By Andrea Isaac Adams
1. Grandparents. They
always have gum, money and sympathy. Also, they know
and can tell good (and embarrassing!) stories about
mom and dad, they are almost all good cooks who are
not too concerned about my fat or sugar intake and
everything I do is either funny or very smart. I
love these people.
2. Bug Circuses. Hours
spent training a moth to walk a length of string
upside down is time well spent, case closed.
3. No knowledge of taxes.
When you talk about sales tax, property tax, and
for-the-heck-of-it taxes, you could be speaking in
Mandarin Chinese or Latin for all I know. "Tax."
That doesn't even sound like a real word. And
"Insurance." What is it? Stop frowning, I can
see by your face that I don't even want to know!
4. Birthday parties. A
whole day devoted entirely to me for just me being
me, complete with noise-makers for me, cake for me,
presents for me and people who came to play with me.
I'm sorry, but your birthdays just don't seem nearly
as fun. Going out to eat? Gee. And not even to a
pizza parlor that has skee ball and "whack the
mole"?
5. Summer vacation.
Actually, the last day of school is the best,
because it's when the taste of freedom is the
sweetest. The teachers can't be strict, even if they
try, and it's the only day of the whole school year
my bus driver lets us have paper wad fights.
6. Books are read to us.
Mom says as an adult, you can't fool anybody into
reading to you, ever. She said, "Know why the audio
cassette industry is booming? Because we're so
desperate to have people read to us that we're
willing to pay for it, that's why." Sheesh,
that's awful. My uncle Walter read "Cat in the Hat"
to me just yesterday three times.
7. Our backs never hurt and we
are absolutely never tired. Honestly, we kids
just think you being tired or your back hurting is
just an excuse not to go outside and play with us.
Seriously, how can your back hurt? It doesn't
do anything.
8. Total innocence about where
babies and hamburgers come from. I mean, we've
heard, but come on! That's ridiculous.
9. Water hoses plus a plastic
tarp equals fun, fun, fun. In fact, I don't
think adults have anything remotely comparable. They
stay inside where they aren't as tired and their
backs don't hurt.
10. This summer I will eat
watermelon until it runs down my elbows and chase
lightning bugs until I catch enough to make a jelly
jar lantern. Come help me! I don't think it'll hurt
your back too much and it'll be lots of fun!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Andrea Isaac
Adams writes from Grapevine. She can be reached at
aiadams@ipa.net
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