By Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe
In celebration of Father's Day,
June 16, 2000 I'd like to share some fatherly Q/A
discussions I've had with my Yiddishe dad, Bernard
Gottlieb. Note that he adheres to the KISS (Keep It
So Short) method of communicating:
Q. "Dad, how come the tooth fairy
only left me 50 cents? My friends all get $l."
A. "Your tooth must have had
excessive tartar build-up."
Q. "Dad, can you buy me a beeper?"
A. "Why? I shout loud enough."
Q. "How old you are, dad?"
A. "Oh, somewhere in the middle
flirtes."
Q. "While we're at the mall, can I
sit on Santa's lap?"
A. "Yes, as long as you only ask
for world peace!"
Q. "Why don't you get an automated
mail delivery cart for your home/office?"
A. "And we'll call it Robot
Redford or Humphrey Robot."
Q. "Dad, I'm feeling down in the
dumps today. What should I do?"
A. "Chop a few onions; crying will
make you feel better."
Q. "Dad, what did the policeman
say to you when you asked him what to do with the
speeding ticket?"
A. "He said, 'keep it.When you
collect four of them you get a bicycle."
Q. "Dad, Michael Bloomberg wears
Paul Stuart suits.Where do you shop for your
wardrobe?"
A. "C. R. Jew.com, the Internet's
only catalog for Hasidic Jews"
Q. "Dad, what did you and mom do
at the Money Management lecture series?"
A. "First, we bowed our head in
memory of our dear departed 8% C.D.'s.Then we called
the Gelt Financial Corp. at l-800-GELT."
Q. "Dad, a group of seniors are
planning to spend Spring Break in Florida, but I'm
experiencing a negative cash flow..."
A. "Why not move in with Jerry
Seinfeld's parents at Del Boca Vista."
Q. "Dad, what's a Second-Story
Man?"
A. "That's what your mother calls
me. If she doesn't believe my first story, I always
have a second one."
Q. "Dad, what's KKK?"
A. "Kosher Krispy Kreme
doughnuts."
Q. "Dad, can we buy 'fitness
water,' those sports drinks with electrolyte, or
FDNY Fire Zone Spring Water?"
A. "Turn on the faucet, dahling.
I'll make you a 'Glezel Tai' (Glass of Tea)."
Q. "Dad, what's your favorite
music?"
A. "It's called PEACE and QUIET."
Q. "Dad, did you know that our
school now has 15 eMacs?"
A. "Good.By the way, which is
better, hardware of software?"
Q. "How do you like the downtown
avant-electric jazz-hip-hop hybrid group, Medeski
Martin & Woods?"
A. "I thought it was the name of a
law firm."
Q. "Dad, did you know that Walt
Disney added crisis counselors to its cruise ships
after Sept. ll?"
A. "Really? If you're on a cruise
with Goofy, Pluto, and Minnie, and you are still
depressed, there is little a shrink can do for you."
About the Author: Marjorie
Gottlieb Wolfe is a retired business educator and
free-lance writer. Articles of hers have appeared in
The New York Times, Newsday, Smart Money and The New
York Post |
