By Kimberly Ripley
Ah, yes. The snow has finally
fallen in the Northeast and a blanket of white now
covers the ground. My back aches from shoveling and
my asthma has kicked in at full force. Ho ho ho!
It is indeed beginning to look a
lot like Christmas! Until you look out in my back
yard, that is. Thanks to Philly, our rather large
adopted Grand-dog, our blanket of shimmering white
has been magically transformed into a patchwork
quilt of pale yellows and strategically patterned
touches of brown. It's just beautiful. To creep
through the intricate detail to tie out the happy
holiday pooch requires expertise in military
tactics. Ho ho ho!
My daughter caught me completely
off guard yesterday while we were riding to school.
I have made it a practice to play Christmas music in
our car, beginning right after Thanksgiving, for
many years. It helps to put us all in the Christmas
spirit, and by far, beats the horrid music played on
the local radio stations. Or so I thought.
Listening to a CD of holiday hits,
I was returning to my younger days, lost in the
bouncy beat of Brenda Lee's "Rockin' Around the
Christmas Tree", when Elizabeth asked me a
perplexing question.
"Mommy, why would someone use a
swear word in a Christmas song? Christmas is the
birthday of Jesus!"
"Well of course it is," I
exclaimed. "But I've never heard any bad words in
Christmas songs."
"That lady is singing about pie.
They're having pie, and they're putting a very bad
word in front of it," she exclaimed.
"What is it?" I asked.
"I don't want to say it. It's a
very bad word."
"How about spelling it for me?" I
asked.
By now I was perplexed, wondering
what it was this child had heard. And to think, a
bad word in a Christmas song!
"It's the F-word," she said
quietly, a great deal of embarrassment in her voice.
"The F-word!" I screamed. "It
can't be!"
"Put it back to the pie part," she
calmly suggested. "That lady says that later we'll
have some F-ing pie and we'll do some caroling!"
I backed the CD to the appropriate
spot. Brenda Lee, in her throaty voice sang, "Later
we'll have some PUNKIN pie and we'll do some
caroling." But if you listened with the imaginative
mind of a nine-year old, it did in fact sound
EXACTLY the way she heard it. Ho ho ho.
Now even the Christmas songs were
tainted. However I did have an incredible belly
laugh after I'd dropped the kids off at school.
Give it a listen. Pretend you
don't know the words. You will undoubtedly be
completely appalled.
As a matter of fact, listen to it
while you're on the way to the mall, about to use
those backyard military tactics to weave in and out
of the throngs of SLOW people. You know, the ones
who stroll through the mall as if they have ALL DAY!
When you've reached the point that
you're ready to scream, or plow by the nice elderly
lady with the headphones and the walker, remember
the song. As disgusting as my daughter's
interpretation is, I guarantee you'll have a silent
chuckle! Ho ho ho!
About the Author, Kimberly
Ripley: I am a wife and mother of five children. I
love to travel, and this passion combined with my
family's numerous escapades has provided ample
fodder for my fiction and nonfiction endeavors. |
