By Tricia Shaner 1.) The blasting airhorn of a semi, as you are contorting your body over the front seat, spooning strained peas into your toddler's mouth 2.) "I got to go potty!" followed by "Oops too late!" 3.) "Why am I sticking to this toilet seat?" (while in a public restroom) 4.) Your child reading aloud what is written on the public restroom stall! 5.) "Where is Jacob?" (10 miles after you stopped at a gas station) 6.) silence...This means they are up to something 7.) " I smell something burning." This means either your motor is in flames or Junior just set the back seat on fire with the lighter he found at the last rest stop. 8.) "I think I'm carsick!" The sudden flurry of activity in the van, after these words, can be compaired to a panic-stricken office,scrambling to get OUTSIDE, during a 7.5 earthquake. 9.) "I would like a spicy burrito with extra guacomole." (Coming from the same child that said #8) 10.) "No fair! Josh is chewing gum!" (You know that you haven't had any gum since yesterday, when they chewed it all. However, you remember seeing your two year old extremely busy, tugging something from under the table, at the restaurant.) 11.) "What does this mean?" You peer in the rear view mirror to see your child extending his middle finger,giving you the bird. After you choke on your tonsil, you find out that the "nice man" in the car, that was behind us, taught him this lovely gesture. 12.) "He's touching me! He's looking at me! Are we there yet?" These are guaranteed to make the vein in your husband's forehead stand out, after he hears them for the 40th time.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: I am a stay at home mother of four, who is about to embark on a road trip from Michigan all the way to Florida. (The things I go through to be able to see a hulking, black mouse that is guaranteed to scare the daylights out of my children!) | 
