"Winterize your lawn," the big sign outside the
garden store commanded. I've fed it, watered it,
mowed it, raked it and watched a lot of it die. Now,
I'm supposed to winterize it? I hope it's not too
late!
Grass lawns seem to be the
stupidest thing we've come up with outside of thong
swimsuits. We constantly battle dandelions, Queen
Anne's lace, thistle, violets, chicory, and clover
that thrive naturally, so we can grow grass that
must be nursed through an annual four-step
dependency.
Imagine the conversation The
Creator might have with St. Francis about this:
"Frank, you know all about gardens
and nature. What in the world is going on down
there? Where are all of the dandelions, violets,
thistle and stuff I planted eons ago? I had the
perfect no-maintenance garden plan. My plants grew
in any type of soil; they withstood drought, and
multiplied with abandon. The nectar from the
long-lasting blossoms attracted butterflies, honey
bees, and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a
vast garden of color by now, but all I see are these
green squares."
"It's the tribes that settled
there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling
your flowers 'weeds' and went to great extent to
kill them and replace them with grass."
"Grass? But, it's so boring." It's
not colorful. It doesn't attract birds or bees, only
grubs and sod worms. It's temperamental with
temperatures. Are you sure they really want all that
grass growing there?"
"Apparently so, Lord. They go to
great pains to grow it, and keep it green. In the
Spring they fertilize the grass, and kill any other
plants that crop up."
"The spring rains and cool weather
probably make the grass grow really fast. That must
make the Suburbanites happy."
"Apparently not, Lord. As soon as
it grows a little - they cut it."
"Cut it? Do they then bale it like
hay?"
"No, not exactly, Lord. Most of
them rake it up and put it in bags."
"Oh. Is it a cash crop? Do they
sell the bags?"
"No sir, just the opposite. They
pay taxes for the bags to be hauled off."
"Now, let me get this straight.
They fertilize the grass so it will grow, and when
it does grow they cut if off and pay to throw it
away?"
"Yes, sir."
Then, these suburbanites must be
relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain
and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth
and saves them a lot of work."
"Sit down, Lord. When the grass
stops growing, they drag out the hoses and pay more
money to water it, so they can continue to mow it
and pay to have it hauled off."
"What nonsense! At least they kept
some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of
genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves
in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the
summer. In the Autumn they fall to the ground and
form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil
and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot,
the leaves form a compost to enhance the soil."
"You still sitting, Lord? The
Suburbanites have grown a new circle. As soon as the
leaves fall, they rake them, bag them, and pay to
have them hauled off."
"You're kidding! What do they do
to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter,
or keep the soil moist and loose?"
"After the leaves are hauled off
they buy something they call mulch and spread it
around under the trees."
"And where do they get this
mulch."
"They cut down the trees and grind
them up."
"ENOUGH! I don't want to think
about this anymore. St. Catherine, you're in charge
of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us
tonight?"
"Dumb and Dumber, Lord. It's a
real stupid movie about"
"Never mind, I think I just heard
the whole story."
~ Author Unknown, Contributed by
www.familycorner.com |
