 What do you call a sleeping
cow? A bulldozer.
Did you know that five out of
three people have trouble with fractions?
What do you get when you squeeze
an olive? Oliver Twist!
Did you hear about the cat who
swallowed a ball of yarn? She had mittens!
What did the bald man say when he
got a comb for his birthday? "Thanks, I'll never
part with it!"
What do you call a parrot wearing
a raincoat? Polly Unsaturated
Why did God make only one Yogi
Bear? Because when he tried to make a second one he
made a Boo-Boo.
What did Batman say to Robin
before they got in the car? Robin, get in the car.
When is a car not a car? When it
turns into a driveway.
What do you call a guy who never
farts in public? A private tutor.
What do you call two men with no
arms and no legs hanging on the wall? Curt and Rod
(curtain rod)
What goes 99-thump, 99-thump? A
centipede with a wooden leg.
Why was the man arrested for
waiting in the Big Top? He was loitering within
tent.
What do you call a deer with no
eyes? No idea. (no eye dear) What do you call a deer
with no legs and no eyes? Still no idea.
What's long, yellow and fruity? An
apple in disguise.
What's black white black white
black white black white black white...a penguin
rolling down the stairs.
Why did the elephant paint his
toenails different colors? So he could hide in the
M&M dish without being seen!
Why does E.T. have such big eyes?
Because he saw his phone bill.
Two vomits were walking down the
street when one started to cry. The other said,
"What's wrong?" The first replied, "This is where I
was brought up!"
Why were all the ink spots crying?
Their father was in the pen.
What did the dog say to the tree?
bark.
Why was Tigger looking in the
toilet? To find Pooh
What's the difference between a
guy falling from the 1st floor and one falling from
the 17th floor , the guy falling from the first
goes, ' splat , Aaaaaaaargh " and the one from the
17th goes, " Aaaaaaargh , splat ".
What do you call spending the
afternoon with a cranky rabbit? A bad hare day.
Once upon a time, long long ago,
in a land far far away there lived a woman who was
just too busy! She decided to make a clone of
herself so she could get twice as much work done.
Well, the clone helped her a lot, but it also gave
her a bad reputation because the clone constantly
swore. One day, the woman couldn't take her clone's
foul mouth anymore, so she took it to the top of a
building and pushed it off. Soon after, the woman
was arrested for making an obscene clone fall.
Why did the booger cross the road,
because he was being picked on
What did one casket say to the
other casket? Is that you coffin?
What time did the man go to the
dentist? Tooth hurty.
What's Irish and stays out all
night? Paddy 'O Furniture.
Where do kings keep their armies?
In their sleevies.
How to you organize a spacey
party? You planet.
How do you start a book about
ducks?...With an introduction.
How do you catch a rabbit? Hide
behind a tree and make carrott noises.
What do you get when you cross 100
pigs with 100 deer? 200 sows and bucks!!!
Why can't you play cards in the
jungle? Because there's too many cheetas!
What did one frog say to the
other? Time's sure fun when you're having flies!
Why don't anteaters get sick?
Because they're full of anty-bodies!
What do you call an Italian feline
trying on clothes? Catalina dressing.
If a athlete get's athlete's foot
what does an astronaut get? Mistle Toe.
Santa says to Mrs. Claws "Any idea
what the weather will be like for Christmas?". Mrs
Claws: "Look's like rain, dear"
What did the digital watch say to
his mom? "Look mom no hands."
How does the gingerbread man make
his bed? With cookie sheets.
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