 A little boy stops in front of
a church with his bike and he sees the priest come
out. The priest says "Come inside, I want to show
you something". The little boy says to the priest,
"But somebody will steal my bike". The priest says
to him "Don't worry, the Holy Spirit will watch it".
So the little boy goes inside and
the priest says, "Let me show you how to do the sign
of the cross. In the name of the Father, the Son and
the Holy Spirit, Amen. Now you try it". So the boy
says, "In the name of the Father and the Son, Amen".
The priest says, "What happened to the Holy Spirit?"
The boy replied "He's outside,
watching my bike".
+ + +
Once upon a time there was a pastor. He was driving
down the road and his car broke down. He got out and
started walking. Soon, he came to a farm. He asked
the farmer if he could borrow a horse. The farmer
agreed, but warned: "Sir, this is no ordinary horse.
You have to say "praise the Lord" to make it go, and
"Amen" to make it stop". The pastor said "Oh, that's
easy, I'm a pastor. So he jumped on the horse and
said "Praise the Lord!" and the horse took off down
the road. About an hour down the road (close to his
destination), a rattlesnake came out in front of the
horse, and the horse, rather startled turned and ran
off the road, through the woods, straight for a
cliff. The pastor forgot what to say, so he said a
prayer, and at the end of the prayer, of course, he
said "Amen". Screech!! The horse stopped right at
the edge of the cliff! The pastor looked down and
sees all of the thousands of feet down that he had
almost plundered... and to give thanks to God, he
yelled out "Praise the Lord!!!!"
+ + +
Three older ladies were discussing
the travails of getting older. One said, "Sometimes
I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand
in front of the refrigerator and can't remember
whether I need to put it away, or start making a
sandwich."
The second lady chimed in, "Yes,
sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs
and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on
my way down."
The third one responded, " Well,
I'm glad I don't have that problem; knock on wood,"
as she rapped her knuckles on the table, then told
them "That must be the door, I'll get it!"
+ + +
Once upon a time, there was a
policeman that saw a man sitting in a car with a
tiger sitting next to him. The police officer said,
"It's against the law to have a tiger in your car.
Take him to the zoo."
The next day the police officer
saw the same man in the same car with the same
tiger. The police officer said, "I thought I told
you to take that tiger to the zoo."
The man replied, "I did. He liked
it. Now we're going to the beach."
+ + +
There were 3 tomatoes, a mom, a
dad and a son. The son lagged behind and fell splat
on the floor. His dad yelled to him, "Ketchup, son".
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