It just all runs together too conveniently. Allow me to explain my little theory: I'm thinkin' that the soccer gods are in cahoots with the Hallmark people and the wonderfully conscientious folks who roll out the big days known as Thanksgiving and Christmas. Ever notice that as soon as the soccer season ends, the holiday season begins?

The last soccer games are always right around Halloween. Soon after Halloween, there's Thanksgiving, then comes Christmas and New Year's. And what comes right after New Years? The deadline to sign up for soccer again. It never ends.

I'll never forget the good ol' days when we had just one kid in soccer. Mrs. P and I would sit around and whine about how busy we were all the time. "Gosh, I'll be glad when it's over so we can take a breather for a couple of months," we'd both moan.

No more. Those carefree days are gone. Now, the end of the soccer season just means that things are about to get 60 times busier.

I pulled into a gas station the other day and ran into a friend. Both of us have real jobs, in between carting kids everywhere. We do NOT get paid for that. We do, however, spend a great deal of money at the pumps.

"Hey, how things going?" I asked my friend.

"Busy, busy," she said.

"Don't I know. We just got back into town. As soon as we got back, we had to get one kid right to the church to practice for the Christmas pageant, and another kid to a birthday party. WHILE we were out of town, we missed another three parties. If we'd have stayed in town, we would've used more gas than we did going to Dallas and back."

My friend one-upped me.

"We stayed in town this weekend," she said. "We had a church Christmas party, an end-of-season soccer party, a dance recital, a choir concert and the Christmas parade downtown, which our 9-year-old was in. I spent all day long Friday making antlers and Saturday morning I had to sew a dance costume. I haven't eaten since last Wednesday because there just aren't enough hours in the day."

Moments like these make me realize how grateful I am to just be a Dad with no concept of arts and crafts. All I can do is drive. I haul little people. Let Mrs. P do the real work like sewing.

"Get a load of the week we have coming up," I said to my friend. "Monday night, Mrs. P has a ceramics class. Tuesday night we have a choir concert at one school that starts at 6:30. At 7:30, our oldest kid has a band concert. Wednesday, two of our three kids have activities at two different churches. Thursday, it's Christmas shopping. Friday, it's dinner at a friend's house - after we take our 14-year-old to a friend's birthday party.

"Saturday, it's either a dinner party or a going-away party for some friends who are moving. That's just the next five days." Unfortunately, my friend wouldn't sympathize with me. She couldn't. She claimed to have an even worse story.

"With four kids it's even worse," she said. "We have a high schooler with a basketball game, a junior high girl with a choir concert, a PTA meeting at the elementary school and our pre-schooler has a field trip to see Santa Claus. That's just tonight at 7 o'clock. Let me tell you - that's a lot of film.

"But it could be worse. We could have soccer practice."

"Maybe no soccer practice, but something tells me they're involved in all of this somehow. They just have to be. It's all a big conspiracy to keep us all as busy as humanly possible all year long. We spend more money that way. Santa's a big soccer fan, y'know. Every Christmas when he delivers the last bag of toys and goes back to the North Pole, he runs around in the snow, rips off his shirt and throws it as far as he can."

My friend and I finished filling our tanks and I realized one thing: Life is just one big contest to see who can exaggerate the most about being the busiest.

"It's been nice chatting with you," she said. "Gotta run. I have a five minute nap scheduled before I get my 4-year-old to dance class."

"Hey," I said. "I don't suppose you'd want to take a couple of kids by the church for me, would you? They're great kids, really! Hey, don't go so fast. Come back. HELP!!!"

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