Set it Free

If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back, it will always be yours.
If it doesn't come back, it was never yours to begin with.

But, if it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food,
uses your telephone, takes your money and doesn't appear to realize that
you had set it free ...

You either married it or gave birth to it.

Comparing Notes

Two little kids were in a hospital with adjoining beds.

The first kid leans over and asked, "What are you in here for?"

The second kid said,"I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous."

The first kid said," You've got nothing to worry about; I had that done to me once. They put you to sleep and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a piece of cake!"

The second kid then asked, "What are you in here for?"

The first kid responded, "Well, I'm here for a circumcision."

The second kid said, "Whoa! I had that done when I was born. I couldn't walk for a year.

The Patience of a Saint

A woman and her three year old daughter were in a grocery store. The daughter was perched in the basket of the cart.

Upon entering the dairy aisle, the child leaned from the cart, upsetting ice-cream cone displays hollaring that she wanted ice-cream.  The mother calmly said "It's ok Ellen, we are almost done here, only two more aisles to go..." and moved on.

A man doing his shopping observed the ruckus.

The next aisle happened to contain candy. Of course the child went ballistic, reaching and shouting and carrying on in a very loud whiny voice "Candy! Want CANDY!!", to which the mother replied... "Only two more minutes Ellen, and then we'll be home, just two minutes, you can hang on that long..."

The man again observed the mother's calm remarks with astonishment.

Moving quickly through the last aisle, mother and daughter approached the check-out. Unfortunately, there was gum and chocolate bars laid out on the shelves. The child again started shouting and crying. The man doing his shopping was in line behind them and thought for sure the mother would lose it this time. But instead, the mother calmly said , "Ellen, we have but to pay for these, so just, be patient, and and when we get home, you'll have a nice nap."
She paid for her groceries and walked out.

The man hurriedly paid for his groceries and ran after the woman with the child.
Breathlessly, he stopped her, shaking his head in wonderment...

"Excuse me... but I just had to tell you that your patience and calm attitude with little Ellen in there was just wonderful!" he exclaimed.

The mother smiled woefully and replied...

"She's Tammy, I'm Ellen"

Real Moms

Real Moms don't eat quiche; they don't have time to make it.

Real Moms know that their kitchen utensils are probably in the sandbox.

Real Moms often have sticky floors, filthy ovens and happy kids.

Real Moms know that dried playdough doesn't come out of shag carpet.

Real Moms don't want to know what the vacuum just sucked up.

Real Moms sometimes ask "why me?" and get their answer when a little voice says, "because I love you best."

Real Moms know that a child's growth is not measured by height or years or grade... It's marked by the progression of Mama to Mommy to Mom...