An Eye for an Eye, but Five Bucks for a Tooth?
By Corky Corcoran

I wear a new hat these days as Managing Tooth Fairy. At first our son, Kelly, was apprehensive about losing baby teeth. "It felt like a rock in my mouth," he griped when the first one finally broke free. But when it improved his financial portfolio, he had a change of heart. Toggling the latest one back and forth, he said, "This one's bigger so maybe I'll get more money."

After discussing the matter with other tooth fairies, it occurs to me we should standardize our rates. I pay a flat rate of a dollar apiece. An honest tooth's wage for an honest tooth's work. Apparently I'm behind the times because some fairies fork out as much as five bucks. What? -- No retirement benefits??

So, okay, let's do the math. Twenty teeth at five clams apiece yields a net income of a hundred dollars. (Swallowing one means a cut in pay.) Naturally, there are exceptions. The four-year-old son of one of my faithful readers was heard to announce, "I have forty-three new teeth coming in. No, wait, I have forty-three THOUSAND new teeth coming in!"

It's not easy being a tooth fairy. You're stuck on grave shift for several years. Because you work in cognito, you receive not one bit of thanks. And what do you do with the inventory? I've saved Kelly's hair since he was born but stockpiling enamel seems bizarre even to me. <continued below>

Then there's the risk of being discovered. Another tooth fairy friend of mine accidentally woke her daughter up while sneaking around one night. Afraid of being seen, my chum tossed the money in the air and hightailed it out of the room.

For that reason I prefer to plant the booty ahead of time, although that can backfire, too. Fact is, we Managing Tooth Fairies are nothing but bumbling amateurs. The HEAD Tooth Fairy probably snickers at our clumsy attempts. She, incidentally, has ne.jpg" alt="red site now. This helps monitor her vast empire as well as sell overpriced coloring books.

I planned to teach Kelly the art of flossing when his adult teeth emerged. But I've since learned that should have started six years ago when his first two baby teeth touched. I can only hope that error won't cost me my job.

For more of Corky Corcoran's humor, see her weekly column in the Ft. Worth Star Telegram Online. Visit her site.