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A Mother's Perspective on a Balanced Universe
By Hope Forrest

Call me crazy, but after being a stay at home mom for eight years, I have come to realize that the universe must maintain a certain balance. This is not a well-documented theory, but hear me out and tell me if I’m wrong.

A while back I found myself wandering around the house at 7:30 a.m. in shock. The beds were made, dishes done, a load of laundry was going, and I was spot washing my walls. Being that I am notorious for not being a morning person and typically a rather relaxed housekeeper, I knew something was amiss.

When the phone rang at 10 o’clock, I was relieved to have a distraction. It was my friend Anita Freke, (she makes Martha Stewart look like a slacker). She told me she had slept in and that her house was a pigsty.

“There you have it,” I thought to myself, “There can only be so much dirt and dust in the universe”. Seeing as she was now using my standard dirt allowance, I had to clean up my house. Otherwise, the universe would be off kilter. <continued below>

Whew, for a minute there I thought I was turning into my mother-in-law!

The same is true with weight gain. It is a known fact that “yoyo” dieting is the norm. People lose weight and then end up putting it on again. What science has not yet admitted to, is that it is not the dieter’s fault. The fault lies with the dieter’s friends and relatives. Eventually one of the dieter’s friends will see how great her pal looks and decide to embark on a weight loss plan herself. Soon she is losing weight.

But where does all that weight go? It has to go somewhere, right? Before you know it, the dieter who was the inspiration for her friend’s weight loss is having trouble doing up her jeans again. Then the following week in church, as she clapped her hands, she noticed that the flesh falling from her triceps was keeping the beat of the music better than her foot. What happened? A ha! Not so crazy am I? It’s all about the universe maintaining a balance.

Can you see the pattern in your life? So there, there dear. Stop being so hard on yourself. It's not your fault that you're an overweight, slothful housekeeper. It's just that your best friend is a waif and your mother-in-law's a serious dirt and dust die-hard. When you find yourself getting frustrated with your plump stoutly stature, wait until your waif of a friend has bad PMS and send her a 10-pound box of chocolates...