If the Moms of America could voice this truth without being seen as unfit parents, Sweet Sixteen would be renamed Sadistic Sixteen. Come on, you know that since way before you heard the heartbeat of your unborn, a pledge was being made to thyself, unheard by family, friends and foe. You were NOT going to be like your mother. You were NOT going to be the cool mom, or the soccer Mom or the Mom who stands of the corner with other maternity leavers and compares goos and gahs. You, as a new age parent, were going to birth, feed, train and conquer your offspring faultlessly.

Here is my confession for all to read, ponder and apply. I made many internal pledges to be the most perfect parent in the world, with the most perfect house, the most perfect spouse and of course, Parker- the perfect family dog. To say the most, I live in a two bedroom apartment, I am divorced, I got rid of the two puppies I thought I could raise, and 16 years later, my daughter had spiraled to the top of the mean girl chart. Whether you are married, divorced, widowed or single, you should be able to visualize a teenage tornado- occurring fast, furious and for the most part unexpectedly. Yes, the image of toddler to tween to teenage terror is reminiscent to the theory of evolution. This speciation is a very slow, mind-boggling process- especially for the teen and their parental units.

Typically, my daughter sees me as a 40 something harridan who should service her every want and heed her daily commands. I am the cook, the maid the chauffeur and her very own ATM machine. When she canoodles me for no reason, I wait for the buy me, take me, and bring me song to shatter our moment of bliss. Yes Sir- That's my baby, always and forever! Honestly and without contempt- this little girl that I so deeply and unconditionally love, is beautiful, intelligent, friendly and compassionate. She embraces everyone she chances upon - except her Mother. Our MOMMY and ME days of fairytale endings, hugs and you're the best Mom in the world have been replaced by Lady Gaga, boys and Mom, you are so annoying!

I am serious ladies and gentleman, and I will reveal more candor for your own future allusions. You see- undoubtedly, I am quite voiced, and possess the courage and tenacity of a bull. To afford you with much needed background Information- I, was born 3 months early, on Mothers day weekend, in front of 18 dinner guests (My mothers water broke while serving raviolis to family, friends and relatives). Yearly, my Mom endearingly reminds me that my early arrival set the tone for MY future as Mom, friend, confidante and funny farm candidate. No, my empathetic readers, parenthood is not a dress rehearsal or the last curtain call. For years to come, the glamour and glitz of no sleep and weekly worries about its 12:00 A.M. - do you know where your child is? will haunt the Moms of America.

I have stopped telling people horror stories about my daughter, because they look at me and say really? I never see her that way. The girls of today and leaders of tomorrow are ALL 60% Angel 40% Devil. Unfortunately, as teenagers challenge their independence, Satan shows up more often than the Halo. Come on- you know that is a fact and the proof stands about 54! At least my parenting interchanges regarding defiance and reparation have never started with the phrase Not my Daughter. In fact- First rule to a subnormal yet substantially devoted existence - never fabricate or lie! Even about your own offspring. Just remember you are doing the best you can. And don't forget that you are the glue- the alliance holding your adolescents future together. During this 5 year battle, the enemy-oh yes- is puberty and PMS. No matter what is lost during the teenage years- it is worth the cost of armistice later on when your daughter does become your best friend.

Seventeen years later my little girls Barbie dolls and basketballs are tossed behind the Schwinn 10-speed and the 4 virus-encrypted computers that can no longer be revived. This game of life is slowly starting to surface and I hope one day to touch that silver lining. The parenting part is still in question, and I am slowly learning how to survive the teenage years. It is exhausting and rewarding when she actually follows your lead. Yes- our teachings are passed from generation to generation. However- I do have an update for all of you! We, the generation xers and the wanna be perfect parents, are the ones who need to learn, NOT the teenager. Imagine that!

For example, sometimes my daughter smothers me when seeking approval or motherly advice. Most of these pow-wows begin innocently, BUT- when the advice or suggestion isn't what they want to hear or the empathy is not enough for her emotional nest BAM! back to square one and enemy lines. Word on the web is that the parent needs to do a lot less talking and a lot more listening. How ironic!!! Four decades ago-Children were seen and not heard. Yes- believe it or not, in the 50s 60s and 70s, the teenager read the parent rule book, and abstained from sex, drugs and rock and roll. In fact- I never remember having a friend with benefits when I was 17! Nor do I remember crimping when I danced with the boys. No wait- I think they call it crumping Oh my- is nothing sacred.

It is true- the parents of the 21st century surf the Internet frantically trying to find a cure for this communication breakdown. Articles like Whose house is it anyway and Why does my teenage daughter hate me so much are two features frequently buzzed about at parent teachers conferences and Sunday brunches with the ladies. We are prisoners in our own home and if we get too close to their computer or phone we are accused of creeping or MIHD (mom in hearing distance.) I thought parenting was based on instinct- not www.com.

As the days turn into months and months into years, my time is now is limited with my college bound daughter. My mouth in silent and the hopes of training her to be Little Miss Perfect- have transpired a confidence within myself and her future. I have done my best and she too has amazed me with her beauty and intellect. My baby is all grown up and I know my parental guidance was not in vain. No one person is perfect. No one family is unaffected by skeletons. AND- no one teenager can avoid the trials and tribulations encountered in today's technologically entranced world. Her sociability and perseverance allow my daughter to become all she can be without my restraints.

And what a woman she shall become. When my marriage ended and we were no longer a perfect family- I offered one piece of advice to my daughter. I said, Don't worry about your mother and don't worry about your father. Just make good friends and do well in school. To date, that is exactly what she has done. I am proud, proud of her and myself for having the courage to sustain more than a decade of humility that enveloped our lives. Parenting is a gift that should be opened with care. We should embrace every moment even when tarnished with frustration. Stop, look, listen and love, this is the best advice I can give to myself, my daughter and YOU the reader.




Rosemarie Rizzo is the youngest of 8 sisters. Rosemarier was inspired by her Daughter Scarlett as parenting became a tug-o-war in this new age tech world. Email: rrizo (at) cambridge.org