You stare in wonder at the babe, red as a salami
It strikes you like a bolt of lightening, now you are a mommy!
Oh joy and wondrous rapture! Good feelings are galore!
Except for when she latches on....your nipples are still sore.

Soon the babe is toddling, all throughout the house
and anything not childproofed, is blamed upon your spouse!
Baby food is soon eschewed, in favor of some solids
Fruits & veggies? Oh yeah, right. ME ONLY WANT MCDONALDS!

Sleep is back. Sex resumes, your thighs are back to size
When what should happen....OH no NO! Another rabbit dies!
The years go by, you travel through the twos that are so terrible,
You thank the grapes that make the wine, that make this time more bearable. <continued below>

Tantrums, vaccinations, scrapes covered with goop
And don't forget those diapers with mudslide looking poop.
Off to school the children head, but do you feel ho-hum?
No, of course you'll miss them, but now you have FREEDOM!

Baking for the PTA, reading to the classes
then one day they're in their teens....MY the time sure passes!
They raid your fridge, they take your keys, they hang with kids named BUG
And they'd sooner eat a live chinchilla than give you a simple hug.

Then off they go into the world, to school and then to jobs
You stop by their apartment, they're still living like slobs.
Then one day they bring someone quite special to your house
the person who will hold the title of your baby's spouse.

The years again fly by so fast, till one night the phone does shrill.
And in the darkness you slowly smile, "Mom, we had a girl."
Grandmothering comes quite easy, in fact, for it you have a knack.
Especially the part that lets you give the baby back!

You watch now from a distance as your child starts to discover
All the wonders you have weathered that go into being "Mother".
The card shows up near Mother's Day, the tears begin to flow,
"I learned to be a Mother, Mom -- you taught me all I know."

Linda Sharp is an internationally published humorist, appearing regularly in publications from Canada to New Zealand, as well as many parenting websites. She is also co-creator of the totally irreverent and hilarious Sanity Central—A Time Out From Parenting. As a mother of three children (4 if you count her husband ), she firmly believes that laughter IS the best medicine.  Email the author. Visit her site.