I've always said I'm not a joiner. I don't join book clubs, scrapbooking clubs, or country clubs. The only membership I have is to Sam's Club. Or so I thought. Then one day it dawned on me. I am a member of the most global, sought-after, honorable, stress-filled club there is. I belong to the Parenthood Club.

My status as a card-carrying member of the Parenthood Club was firmly established five years ago, when my son was 10-months-old. Without blinking an eye, I had the following two-sentence conversation one day with my husband.

Honey? he asked. Where's the bink?

I don't know, I replied. Last I saw, it was in the cats food dish. Check there.

Why does this conversation qualify me for membership in the Parenthood Club? Three simple reasons:

1. Members count a two sentence dialogue with their spouse as conversation;
2. Members completely understand the term bink;
3. Members think it makes perfect sense to find a bink lying in a bowl of kitty chow.

Smiling as I continued to wash latex nipples (hey, another qualification!), I thought yes, I've arrived.

And let me tell you, my friends, there's no place Id rather be!

HOW DO YOU JOIN THE PARENTHOOD CLUB?
Becoming a member of this exclusive club is simple. Have kids. Have one, or many. Have them two years apart, or all at once. Have a boy, a girl, or a mix of both. But realize that you are committing to a lifetime membership. Becoming a member is not the most difficult part. Its maintaining your status that's a constant challenge, a roller coaster ride, an emotional and physical adventure filled with ups and downs, bellies of laughter, and tear-filled tissues.

At no point can you elect to drop out of the Club. Believe me, there will be days when you will beg to cancel your membership, or at the very least temporarily put it on hold. Physically, its possible to freeze your membership (ie, nights out with friends, dates with your partner, get away weekends). But emotionally, you are committing to this Club forever.

EXCUSE ME, DOES THIS BABY COME IN A DIFFERENT SIZE?
Don't ever think you can borrow someone's baby to help determine if you want to join the Club. People will try this. Aunts and uncles will have their adorable nieces and nephews stay for a weekend while mom and dad get away, and they'll use the weekend to evaluate their abilities and interests in becoming parents. The plan just doesn't work. First of all, you cant test-drive a kid. Its ironic that the biggest decision you can ever make in your life doesn't come with the ability to have tryouts. But its also a fact.

Second, don't you wonder what the parents are trying to get away from? Of course, they're getting away from the insanity of being parents! And if you only experience parenthood for 48 hours, that's all you'll get. You'll awake at insane hours of the night, use up insane amounts of energy, answer insane questions an insane amount of times, and pray for Sunday to come and the insanity to end. You wont get to experience the indescribable that make the insanity so worth it!

WHAT ARE THE PERKS OF JOINING THE CLUB?
Just like the commercial promises, membership has its privileges. However, if you are seriously asking this question of people you know who are members, you're looking for validation or confirmation that you should join in the first place. And Club members will tell you that validation cant come from them. You'll just have to trust that you'll know when you're ready. Oh, members can offer little anecdotes about their experiences and were all-too-happy to do just that! We are the coworkers who ramble about little Matthews fascination with the toilet bowl, or sweet Ashley's use of profanity at the grocery store. And we appreciate your enjoyment or tolerance of our daily comic strip experiences. But please don't ponder these stories in serious deliberation about whether to have kids!

But for those who are curious, below is a list of some Club perks. Note that you experience some of the benefits even before the baby is born!

Pre-Delivery Perks
Having butterflies in your stomach upon sharing the news with family and friends that you are pregnant

Hearing your baby's heartbeat for the first time

Putting hands to the belly and feeling your baby's first kicks.

Appearing lazy by taking constant naps and lounging - but knowing you are the busiest person in the house, because your body is working to create life.

Being able to park in the designated parking spots near the store entrances.

Post-Delivery Perks
Seeing your parents hold their grandchild for the first time.

Knowing that word is spreading throughout the land. "The baby's here! Everyone is doing great!"

Coming home. Hey, even after staying at The Four Seasons, you're anxious to sleep in your own bed.

Receiving help. Family is cooking and cleaning, neighbors are delivering casseroles.

Sitting in that nursery that was empty for months, and is now so full of life!

Baby- Growing- Up Perks
Looking in your baby's eyes, knowing he knows you are his parent.

Seeing her first smile that isn't gas!

Booking a babysitter, and dating your partner again!

Watching your son crawl, walk, babble, and talk his way from being a baby to becoming a toddler.

Noticing everything around you. Airplanes, the moon, trees blowing in the wind, clouds, and puddles.

Experiencing childhood again. Riding a bike, Halloween costumes, building sand castles, and Santa Claus.

But the biggest reason, the best perk, is simply the privilege of spending every day with your child. Experiencing the incredible, undeniable, pure joy of that little person entering your life. Feeling an amazing sense of power and helplessness simultaneously engulf you when a small fist grabs hold and doesn't ever let goof your finger now, and your heart forever. These moments, and the awe-inspiring moments that follow, are too numerous to mention, and impossible to capture except through first-hand experience.

I guess one could argue that joining a book club is similar to joining the Parenthood Club. One, you really cant understand the benefits of a book club until you actually join one, and two, book club members share a love of books just like Parenthood Club members share the experience of having children.

The difference is the commitment and the rewards. Book club members can postpone reading the book of the month, or even opt out of the club for a while. Parents cant wake up in the morning and decide they don't want to have kids that day. Too late! Those little pancake-grubbing people will be at your bedside any minute. You have no idea how many treasure hunts you will go on (wave graduated from searching for binks to searching for Batman figures). If you have multiple kids, you have no idea how many arguments you will have to mediate. But you also don't know how many times your son will hug you, or your daughter will blow raspberries and tell you she loves you.

But you cant wait to find out! Welcome to the Club!



Kelli Robinson resides in North Carolina with her husband and two children who never cease to amaze, and constantly keep her on her toes!