I just scheduled Brynn's two-year-old well-visit
appointment with her pediatrician, and unlike
well-visits of days gone by, this time I am prepped and
ready to go. As a veteran mother of a two-year-old, I
have witnessed firsthand the questions I will be asked,
and unlike when Colin turned two, this time I am armed
with answers other than Um, I dunno, and Do some parents
really know that?
Excerpts from last years well-visit with Colin:
Dr: How have you been?
Me: Great, thanks (only answer I got right the whole
visit).
Dr: So how many teeth does the little guy have?
Me: Um
Dr: Ill be needing a working history on each tooth.
Me: Seriously?
Dr: I need to know the precise month, day and time his
fourth side incisor appeared.
Me: Whats an incisor?
Dr: Does he chew primarily on the right side or the left
side of his mouth? If you were one of his teeth, which
one would you be, and why?
Me: Er
Dr: You are his mother, right?
Me: (Looking bewildered as I consider the possibility
there was a mix-up at the fertility clinic.) I think so.
He has my teeth.
Dr: How many words is he saying?
Me: He says stuff.
Dr: Literally, he says the word, stuff? Oh, youre
kidding. This isnt a joke, this is a test. If you wanted
to feel like a competent parent at the end of this
appointment, you should have hocked an advance copy of
this exam and taught to the test.
Me: He says a handful of words.
Dr: One handful or two? You really arent doing well on
this exam maam. Lets move on. How many bowel movements
does he have a day?
Me: (Giggling like were long lost best friends who just
shared a dirty joke.) Oh, lots of poop!
Dr: Why is he pooping so much? What are you feeding him?
What time of day does he poop? What do you mean you
don't know? According to No Child Left Behind you only
have three chances to answer these questions correctly
or were keeping your child.
Me: That's cool. Give me a call when he needs braces.

Sheri Granger is the mother of Irish twins, born eleven
months apart. She's going to be more careful next time!
Sheri is a former middle school teacher and phenomenal
cook. Just last night she made Spaghetti O's WITH
meatballs. Sheri rocks the microwave! Please check out
her web site at www.myminivanisfasterthanyours.com.