Hollywood's image of the devoted mom spends quality time with her children at the beach, as she conducts important business on her cell phone. I wonder if she loses her static-filled connection before or after the seagull leaves its droppings on her document?

In another, a woman rides horseback as the announcer proclaims, "This woman is a court reporter." Yeah, a court reporter on welfare, because she's out goofing around instead of building a client base.

Or how about the woman in her robe who competently incorporates the domestic engineer's duties of fixing breakfast and getting the kids off to school, with the daunting task of conducting an international teleconference. <continued below>

She proceeds to brag about the tasks she accomplished before getting dressed. Is that really something to brag about? Who wants to do business with someone who prides herself on the fact that she doesn't bathe on a regular basis? Postponing a shower until afternoon naptime is sometimes an occupational hazard, but not a great source of pride.

Somehow, the reality of my life differs greatly from that of the glamorous Hollywood WAHM. So, before you trade in your corporate suits for sweat suits, and Focus Group Meetings for playgroup meetings, ask yourself if you have what it takes to be a WAHM:

Are you interested in 9-5 hours? That is, 9:00 p.m. to 5:00 a.m.--the period that yields the greatest productivity, since it is downtime for your "assistants" and "junior executives."

Are you multitask oriented? Can you simultaneously complete an assignment, change the assistant's diaper, and entertain your junior executive, while planning your after-school shuttle service?

Are you motivated to be a WAHM so you can justify your cell phone expense? Do you honestly think you will accomplish anything by taking your laptop to your child's soccer practice? (Or, do you secretly desire to impress the other moms with your importance?)

What's your tolerance for filth? Does a week's worth of dirty laundry and dishes bother you?

Can you quickly show your assistant the fine art of sifting through the laundry in the "pending" pile to find items that look and smell the least offensive?

Will you be able to maintain focus and concentration on your project while "Barney's Great Adventure" blares in the background for the 40th time?

Can you regain the time spent on the great quest for the missing remote control?

Will you be too embarrassed to admit to the hardware technician that you need advice in removal of a foreign object from the floppy drive of your computer? FYI: It takes about 45 minutes to extract a quarter-sized piece of dog food from the floppy drive, using a dinner knife and tweezers.

Are you prepared for frequent keyboard replacements, due to the inordinate amount of juice and cracker crumb exposure?

Will you be able to convince your receptionist that it is improper office etiquette to announce, "Mommy can't come to the phone, she's on the potty"?

On your rare venture into the field, can you confidently offer your handshake as you realize you have curdled milk on your shoulder, peanut butter on your sleeve and you don't recall washing your hands after the last diaper change?

"What are you doing?" will reverberate through your house on a regular basis, as you hear your colleague rummaging around, but because you're already behind schedule, you can't spare a minute to leave your computer and witness the latest project in process.

After accommodating diapers, wipes, toys, juice and a power snack, will there be room in the briefcase for your work?

Is your eyesight good enough to read a report covered with breakfast remains from the morning staff meeting around the conference table?

Will your clients be impressed by your assistant's freelance illustrations on their documents?

Are you aware that junior executives can thrive for days on a diet of cheese and Cheerios?

Did you know Gummi Bears work as well as paperclips in attaching documents together?

Do you envision your bathroom becoming your library? (This draft was created while supervising my junior executive's personal hygiene project.)

How does your husband feel about your bedroom being transformed into the board (bored) room? Here the CEO and CFO meet to discuss damage control and personnel problems (as if downsizing is actually an option).

TV moms may tote kids and cell phones to the beach, enjoy horseback riding on company time and earn big bucks in their PJs, but not in my world of WAHM. However, I could use a director to make the kids behave and a crew to carry my stuff around for me.

Sharon Delso and her husband round up their herd of 6 in Texas.  His, Mine, and Ours range in age from preschool to college.