It was a hilarious movie. My children and I repeated the dialogue bites from the movie for months afterward, and committed most of the movie to memory. There is a grain of truth to that movie. Is it ever a good time to stop smoking?

It has been like a netherworld around here since I put down the almighty cigarettes, stashed away the paraphernalia that goes along with smoking, i.e. ashtrays, lighters, matches, and extra cartons of cigarettes in the freezer.

Yes, you heard right, in the freezer. You never know when an ice storm will hit the southern California desert. In my compulsive need to get rid of all things related to smoking, I have brought out into the light of a new smokeless dawn, all things un-related to smoking.

To overcome my impulse to put hand to mouth, I came up with some brilliant ideas and solved my problem at the local market. I scavenged the aisles for some unusual flavors of gum; clove, blackjack, and the old stand-by bubble gum. Stick pretzels and lollipops with bubble gum centers looked a lot like cigarettes and so they too went into the shopping cart.

But wait a minute, all these distractions are supposed to help me NOT think about smoking. How come I still think about smoking and even dream about smoking? <continued below>

What about my change in behavior when I put down the cigarettes. I have impulses I don’t even know what to do with. I admit it. I am a little edgy these days. I want to string people up, bark at drivers, and generally yell at anyone or anything that gets in my way, or even looks like they are thinking about getting in my way. I realize you don’t know me; I don’t even know ME these days. You can ask my kids. They are ready to chip in allowance money to buy me a year’s supply of cigarettes, if it will get them back the mother they used to know. In spite of my condition, I actually feel sorry for them. But, I am the one experiencing all this discomfort. I feel entitled to those cranky moments.

Another fall-out of giving up cigarettes is the honesty factor. Without a cigarette to light up I have sacrificed nice on the altar of quitting smoking. No more smoke from the end of a cigarette. Instead, right out of my mouth spews fire-spitting words. Without any trouble, I have offended family, friends, and people I don’t even know.

In fact, I don’t wait for people to ask me what I think, I tell them. I have discovered I can get away with this behavior some of the times but not all of the time. Caution is required here. Imagine me invited out I public. Of course, I will have to bring along a large roll of tape for my mouth. Without the tape I am likely to find myself seated in a corner of the room, enjoying my own company, a social outcast. Fortunately for me, I enjoy my own company.

Certainly, with family and friends avoiding me, it looks like the dog may be my only company. Back in the old “smoking” days, I left Annie, the family schnauzer on the couch to have her doggie dreams and lazy days. Along with my new non-smoking behavior, I have boundless amounts of energy but I am not so sure about the dog. I have taken the dog for a walk early every morning since I put down those cigarettes. The dog wants to bite me now when she sees the “big blue leash.” I really feel sorry for the poor thing; Annie has short little legs and can hardly keep up with me.

When I feel the urge to pick up one of those cigarettes, instead I grab the leash, snatch the dog off the couch and off we troop around the block a couple of times. I don’t know but I think I might be aging this dog more rapidly than could be expected under normal conditions. Annie really isn’t used to all this exercise.

And, the truth of it is, neither am I. Right now; we don’t know who will last longer, the dog or me. If this keeps up, my family may have some interesting choices to make in the future, take Annie to the vet or me to the hospital for overexertion. Pass the doggie treats, please.

As a full-time freelance writer, Judith Stock writes, edits and produces newsletters for her business clients. She is a grantwriter for Project Headway, a non-profit organization for the brain injured. Her writing experience includes poetry, non-fiction, humor, interviews, travel, genealogy and children's picture books. She is the Fiction Editor for Moondance, a literary e-magazine. Her work has appeared on-line at Folksonline,BestBizIdeas, Travelseekers, WebBound, Sennit: A Great Lakes Literary Journal and AOL. Email the author. Visit her site.