My all-time favorite has to be "Psycho". We're talking original 1960 movie here – not Psycho 2 through 100 or the remake version. Unfortunately, the only time I think of that show is when I'm home alone and in the shower. I barely stay in long enough to get the dirt off.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre ushered in a series of Boy-Mutilates-Girl movies. Contrary to popular opinion, these shows DO have a place in society. And that place is the trash can.

Chainsaws aren't the only tool for the job though. Most horror show writers must get their inspiration from the kitchen. The villain in "Microwave Massacre" used that basic every-day appliance on his victims. The "Hollywood Meatcleaver Massacre" shows an alternate use for cutlery. But the most unlikely weapon showed up in "Sleep Walkers," when some dame stabbed her victim with an ear of corn. If that ever catches on, we'll need a permit to buy produce.

One picture you don't want to see is Nightmare on Elm Street. I won't tell you the plot because it doesn't have one. But it does have a surplus of gore… and screaming. I often wonder how actresses practice that. They must stand in front of a mirror and shriek -- like I did the last time I got a haircut. <continued below>

What kills me about most of these movies is that the characters aren't believable. For instance, when they realize they're in danger, why do they always split up? Haven't they ever heard of safety in numbers? Typical dialogue: "Tom -- you go that way. Mary, you stay here. I'll go around back for some idiotic reason. That way we can build suspense in this otherwise useless flick."

Sometimes there's only one person in jeopardy but, there again, he or she acts contrary to nature. If I was home alone one night and heard a loud noise, the last thing I'd do is investigate. I'd hightail it in the opposite direction like any red-blooded American coward.

While everyone's heard of "Scream" and "Halloween," I ran across a list of little-known horror pictures. Here are some honest-to-goodness titles: "The Lawnmower Man," "I Dismember Mama," "Rabid Grannies" and my personal favorite, "Chopper Chicks in Zombie Town". So you see, there's a wide variety to choose from.

In conclusion for your Halloween entertainment, I recommend renting any video but Scream II. (That way there'll be a copy left for me.)

For more of Corky Corcoran's humor, see her weekly column in the Ft. Worth Star Telegram Online. Visit her site.