Enough already. Quit it. Stop going overboard on
Valentine’s Day, you well-intentioned fool in love. The
extravagance is just that—extravagant.
We already know you love us dearly, so stop trying to
prove it with super-sized mushy cards, chocolate galore
and the sweetest-smelling roses that plastic can buy.
Well, maybe chocolate isn’t such a bad idea, but the rest
of the sentimental journeying you do is just fluff. No
offense, Romeo.
My intent here is merely to enlighten (ever so gently),
not to patronize those who go to incredible lengths each
year to woo the socks off a loved one. Your gallant
efforts and unbridled enthusiasm are genuinely
appreciated. Trust me. But the time and energy you expend,
all in the name of love, might prove more fruitful when
coupled with a key bit of information. Consider it a tip,
a newsflash or the inside scoop on romance, if you will.
Take it for what it’s worth (if you so choose)
—and
by all means, try not to take it personally.
Basically, in my book there are three essential (and
timelessly proven) elements to keeping the love alive in a
relationship:
1) TUNE IN TO YOUR PARTNER. And by this I mean observe,
listen and really pay attention to what your partner
likes, values, needs and genuinely cares about. If you
don’t, you will have missed the boat
—the
Love Boat, that is. If it’s lovey-dovey poetry, a roomful
of posies or a glitzy new rock that will make her heart
flutter, by all means—go
for it. Just be sure that whatever you choose to charm her
with does just that. For instance, I’d be charmed to death
if my valentine were to surprise me with a weekend getaway
for two so I could enjoy a reprieve from Mom Duty. I’d
also be thrilled beyond compare to receive a homemade
coupon book for that priceless commodity: “alone time”
(redeemable in glorious one-hour increments). Foot
massages are nice, too. And gentlemen, please please
please refrain from last-minute emergency purchases. We
weren’t born yesterday, you know. It really shows when
little or no thought has gone into a gift—regardless
of the price tag.
2) WORK TO IMPROVE YOUR LOVE LIFE ALL YEAR LONG, NOT
JUST IN MID-FEBRUARY. A no-brainer, right? Well, almost.
Certainly we understand how life’s hectic pace can get in
the way of remembering to remember each other day in and
day out. Believe me; we GET the term “hectic.” Probably
coined it. But doesn’t it sort of smack of
making-up-for-lost-time when not so much as a “hello kiss”
or an “I love you” shows up for months on end, then lo and
behold, February arrives with a deluge of sweet-nothings
whispered in our ears? Makes me downright suspicious. When
it comes to relationships, daily maintenance makes far
more sense than having to undergo a major overhaul
—same
with vehicles (only they’re less complicated).
3) NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE VALUE OF ROMANCE (OR YOUR
ABILITY TO BE ROMANTIC). Come on, Valentino, you know this
much is true. It’s the spice of life, the door to the soul
and the key to nearly every woman’s heart. And for a lot
of women, I’d daresay it has little or nothing to do with
sex. It probably has more to do with how you make us feel
about ourselves, as well as how valued and respected we
are in your eyes. Yep, it’s THAT simple. Once you get that
much figured out, understanding women is really a walk in
the park. But it’s a really big park, and you’ll probably
have to ask for directions at some point, which not many
of you are inclined to do. Hence, the mystification
problem.
In a nutshell, romance is a powerful thing, but not
necessarily viewed the same by all. Naturally, it’s the
romancee who determines how romantic (or not) something or
someone is. Not the romancer. So be sure to zero in on
what will truly melt your valentine’s heart
—not
just what you THINK will kindle the flames of love, Mr.
Casanova. And finally, never ever underestimate yourself;
you might be surprisingly romantic when you put your mind
(as well as your heart) to the task.
Melinda L. Wentzel
Planet Mom
www.planetmom.ws
