I was walking through the dollar store
today, reading my shopping list, comparing prices, yakking
with a friend, and all the while contemplating what to
write in regards to Woody's much revered Father's Day.
Just last week I shared how much the girls adored him. I
didn't want to write another obnoxiously sappy sweet
column scrutinizing the girls and their daddy's
relationship. Stopping to shift my overloaded arms, I
giggled to myself with the realization that dear Sherwood
could never pull this off. Although he is a
Jack-of-all-Trades, he is only capable of completing one
task or thought at a time. Multitasking is not his forte.
But, being that all men are brain damaged, it is hardly
his fault.
It is a known fact that during the
twelfth to fourteenth week of gestation, a fetus's brain
will undergo a chemical wash. In a female fetus, the wash
will be an estrogen based chemical that doesn't seem to
impact the structure of the brain or function. In the
males, however, the bath is testosterone based.
Testosterone impacts the level of the neurotransmitter
Seratonin in the brain. As testosterone increases, so does
Seratonin. As the Seratonin goes up, so does the firing of
neurons. They believe that this chemical bath somehow
affects the Corpus Collosum - the band of nerves that
connect the two hemispheres of the brain. The fewer the
bands, the harder it is to switch from the Cognitive side
of the brain to the Intuitive side. These bands have been
found to be undeniably smaller in males - probably due to
this heartbreaking pre-birth brain bath. Thus, men are
brain damaged and incapable of multitasking. <continued
below>
However, being that women's Corpus
Collosums are unimpaired, we on the other hand, are able
to tutor our children, pick the perfect shade of paint for
our bedroom, talk on the phone with our neighbor, while
we slave over three boiling pots on our stove - all at the
same time.
Another recent study of the human genome
has led to a greater understanding of the differences in
women's XX chromosomes versus men's XY chromosomes as
well. I had read years ago that the Y chromosome wasn't
really a Y as much as it was an X that was "Missing
something." Poor dears. Now, a Boston scientist, Dr. David
C. Page has determined that the only genes unique to the Y
chromosome seem to be involved mostly in sperm production
and fertility. They are in fact "... a dull collection of
genes." How devastating for this doctor's sorry male ego!
I'm sure he was hoping to find a brilliant group of genes
that held incredible God given gifts only available to
testosterone pumping men. Alas, it was not to be found
true.
And so, it seems that each day brings
new heart wrenching information dashing a millennium of
male perpetuated myths. Thank God we still set aside a
special day to dote and pamper our men. They want to feel
cherished... and needed... and adored... and
extraordinary. Consequently, this Father's Day, try to be
extra nice to your man. And please, be sure burn this
column before they get the chance to read it. We must do
what we can to protect and nurture what's left of their
fragile, endangered male egos.
